i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
