I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
