last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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