We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
