is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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