My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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