After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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