Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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