It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
