My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
