I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
