Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
