Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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