rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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