Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
