Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
