he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
