Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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