"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
