he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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