I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
