Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
