I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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