I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
