There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
