I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
