I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
