I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
