Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
