Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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