the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
