is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
