It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
