so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
