It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
