she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
