WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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