you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
