Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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