Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
