Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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