We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
