I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
