He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
