She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
