it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
