everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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