I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you mean i was at the winter classic?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
