Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
