ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I want to have your abortion
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
