I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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