He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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