White coat. Heels.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
