I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
